Melancholies

Is it a crime to be fat or thin or dark skinned or just being yourself ?

Does everything has to be in parameters? Why is there a scale for everything?

Why can’t just for once, I can live & be the way I want to be not what the society wants me to be?

Why do I feel like I’ve been trapped and tortured?

I am envious, hurt & angry at myself and everyone around me. Everything is a mess in my life.

I just want to be happy, just once in my life I want to be happy the way I am, the way I look, the way I walk, the way I talk.

For once I don’t want to be judged by anyone.

Is it too much to ask? Why can’t I be happy being imperfect?

A lot of questions, but who has the answers?

Maybe I need to find them myself, maybe they are already there & I cannot see them, maybe I am too afraid to find them.

It’s like the worst feeling in the whole world. It’s like getting sucked into a black hole , when someone asks me ” why are you so thin? Have your mama don’t give you food.”

I have been victim of these questions for a while and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this !

And the funniest part is that I am not even trying to fight . I just don’t want to . Because I know this world is not going to accept it’s fault !

I don’t want to feel anything, I try to numb everything, my emotions specially.

I know you may find all of these thoughts bizzare but that’s how my feelings are.

No, I am not alone, I have people who care a lot about me and I care about them.

But I just don’t know where am I going. I don’t have a direction nor do I have a dream.

My emotions are a mess and I don’t know what to do next !